yes! i like to tell myself the story that the psyche is like a long friendship bracelet full of knotted karma all the way down. you untie one knot, and it feels like it comes back, but it’s really just the next knot deeper down the stack. knots never re-tie, you just discover subtler and subtler knots and ever-increasing freedom. it’s not provable or anything but it makes this phenomenon of knots re-forming easier to bear lol
> I failed to recognize that entering stable okayness is a non-voluntary inner movement. There are many outer, voluntary moves you can do to make it more likely that the inner, non-voluntary move occurs, but none of them will reliably trigger the inner move.
Revisiting this post and it's making me think about constraints in complex systems. You can do certain things to shape your inner landscape and the dynamics that play out on it, but whatever state its currently in is beyond you. You can only influence the probability that states of deep okayness occur. This is sort of relieving when you recognize you've done what you can, when you've gone through the motions and practices that set you up for "success."
Interesting! I'm in that non-okayness zone for the last 2.5 years, Kasra. In July this year I found out I have ADHD or attention issues that were likely responsible behind all the chaos in life. I have announced complete trust bankruptcy at this point (in visa termin). I feel the glimpses of okayness like how you describe it when I do the thing that's needed. However I've failed again and again to create that forward momentum in the first place. Given all the baggage of past as well as present challanges and distractions(Twitter and Youtube addiction for passive fun), it's just too hard to manage psychology. I know what I need to do exactly but haven't been able to take actions.
Would love to know your thoughts on my situation and what can I do different. This is off course very limited Context. I just want to hear some honest external opinion since I'm more and more isolating myself these days. Thanks in advance!
This reminds me of muses—I feel like I have close to zero control over when they come (i.e., when I'll feel inspired to write). Which is frustrating sometimes! Because writing is a billion times better with muses. But like this you can't just will it into existence, and in fact the more I try to force it , the less it happens. I still don't have great muse-summoning ability, but like you say here, one move is to chill out about it, and remember that even though it's a somewhat fickle thing, it always comes back eventually.
“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
-C.S Lewis
You have to put God first, that’s the trick. Forging a relationship with our Creator. That’s the Truth you’re seeking bro. God Bless.
yes! i like to tell myself the story that the psyche is like a long friendship bracelet full of knotted karma all the way down. you untie one knot, and it feels like it comes back, but it’s really just the next knot deeper down the stack. knots never re-tie, you just discover subtler and subtler knots and ever-increasing freedom. it’s not provable or anything but it makes this phenomenon of knots re-forming easier to bear lol
> I failed to recognize that entering stable okayness is a non-voluntary inner movement. There are many outer, voluntary moves you can do to make it more likely that the inner, non-voluntary move occurs, but none of them will reliably trigger the inner move.
Damn yeah this hit. Good read man!
Revisiting this post and it's making me think about constraints in complex systems. You can do certain things to shape your inner landscape and the dynamics that play out on it, but whatever state its currently in is beyond you. You can only influence the probability that states of deep okayness occur. This is sort of relieving when you recognize you've done what you can, when you've gone through the motions and practices that set you up for "success."
Interesting! I'm in that non-okayness zone for the last 2.5 years, Kasra. In July this year I found out I have ADHD or attention issues that were likely responsible behind all the chaos in life. I have announced complete trust bankruptcy at this point (in visa termin). I feel the glimpses of okayness like how you describe it when I do the thing that's needed. However I've failed again and again to create that forward momentum in the first place. Given all the baggage of past as well as present challanges and distractions(Twitter and Youtube addiction for passive fun), it's just too hard to manage psychology. I know what I need to do exactly but haven't been able to take actions.
Would love to know your thoughts on my situation and what can I do different. This is off course very limited Context. I just want to hear some honest external opinion since I'm more and more isolating myself these days. Thanks in advance!
This reminds me of muses—I feel like I have close to zero control over when they come (i.e., when I'll feel inspired to write). Which is frustrating sometimes! Because writing is a billion times better with muses. But like this you can't just will it into existence, and in fact the more I try to force it , the less it happens. I still don't have great muse-summoning ability, but like you say here, one move is to chill out about it, and remember that even though it's a somewhat fickle thing, it always comes back eventually.
Good piece, perfectly relatable.
"You need a differently-shaped reminder, a differently-shaped piece of the truth, to get you back there each time." Ain't it ever true! Love this
*Bludgeons head with mental stick* “ARE YOU OK YET??”
Lovely reflections :)
“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”
-C.S Lewis
You have to put God first, that’s the trick. Forging a relationship with our Creator. That’s the Truth you’re seeking bro. God Bless.