beautiful piece, Kasra – love your take on how you're practically thinking about extending the life of your long-term close friendships.
I've found rituals to be a meaningful glue to friendships as everyone starts to partner up – always having "something on the calendar" to look forward to. also, have experienced clearly mirroring my intention for a friendship & what I expect from it to be received really well in conversations that are hard to initiate, but make meaningful strides in reducing misalignment in friendship expectations
Kasra, I really resonate with what you shared here. In my early to middle 20s, I found myself ready to make those kinds of commitments to friends, and did not find that kind of commitment in response, even when I thought I had. Sadly, I think unmet hopes/expectations ended up souring my feelings about some of those friendships.
I have found less disappointment in focusing on creating a life I love, and I feel a little cynical scab that’s formed over the part of me that hoped for these kinds of friendships. I don’t like the scab, but I think it’s been wise to be a little more careful about giving my heart away. I’m not sure how to reconcile the two, but I’m still holding both.
Love this! I had a talk with my old close friend and she said when people have partners they have less need for deep friendships which made me angry and sad. I'm glad my friend found her "person" but why put one person on a pedestal and neglect your other friendships? What happens if you break up, who else do you have to rely on?
I do wish our society placed more emphasis on friendships and being willing to make larger commitments with them.
This resonates as I'm in a similar situation as you: extended family on a different continent, close family in Toronto, moving to NYC, etc.
Honestly this is another motivation for me to run the OTWC where I can see my writing friends each week.
But for my close friends that don't share the same interests, it takes more intentional effort sometimes. That part I'm still trying to figure out.
this is wonderful
love u buddy
Life stage seems to have a big impact on friendships. I've found in my thirties that a lot of friendships are "see you now and then" rather than on a regular basis. Your directness about friendships and what you want sounds like a great idea, AND I wonder if people are so casual about friendships these days that it might be offputting? What have been your experiences with being more direct about your wants and needs in your friendships?