This was a wonderful read, very insightful having both sides of the coin of having many friends and the potential loss of depth in relationships and the fear of not knowing anyone at a party. Loved this, thank you
Thanks for this. I thoroughly appreciate a balanced blend of practicality while also addressing the underlying foundational aspects of a subject and this nails said balance.
"This juxtaposition helps train your brain to be less afraid of the activity, perhaps."
At first I was thinking that I've never really thought about using logs/trackers in this way, but then realized many time I have used this method in an unhelpful way by noticing times of peace or joy when looking back(in a journal, etc), noticing that I no longer have that feeling/have any sustainable way to reconnect to it and then going into sadness/shame/etc. Reframing comes in for the win yet again lol.
"The real victory is to be able to enjoy your newfound friendships, while being able to fluidly oscillate between seeing yourself as “person who is a loner and that no one wants to hang out with” and “popular person that people really like”, while noticing the totally contingent and ephemeral nature of both of those views."
Beautifully put. The awareness of noticing I am in my 'loner/popular' story, acceptance of my feelings and thoughts around that, then stepping back again to notice these are indeed stories definitely seems a necessary step at some point in the game.
Perhaps reading more into it: my emotions and thoughts around these stories, while true as I experience them, aren't based in truth(or at least only my version of the truth; i.e. story) and that connecting to a deeper truth that transcends those stories(read: ongoing process) is necessary to be able to healthily navigate these relationships in the first place.
Thank you for this, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't know anyone closely where I live currently, so this resonated a lot. I appreciate the directness of your introduction!
About to move to a new city and to make use of the opportunities that's going to offer. Reading this made me a little more optimistic.
It's interesting, because I definitely feel like New York has a very unique set of social scenes. On one hand, there are people who only hang out together to be seen together because they want the "cool urban New Yorker" status. They tend to be transplants who work in publishing, fashion, or music. Or, they're hipsters. (Sorry not sorry, it's the truth.)
On the other hand, most New Yorkers I know genuinely want to connect with other people because it's not an easy city to live in. They love the social aspect because for them, that IS New York. They tend to be the best friends you can get in the city.
The funny thing is, becoming very active with the second group often will get you invitations from the first. Go figure.
Hey wanna be friends? But what if when I check you online I get a distorted picture? Did you know that the AI systems are starting to train on your writing here on substack? It's already started. Read about this important topic in the post https://boodsy.substack.com/p/the-ai-bots-are-coming-for-your-substack
This was a wonderful read, very insightful having both sides of the coin of having many friends and the potential loss of depth in relationships and the fear of not knowing anyone at a party. Loved this, thank you
enjoyed this a ton! thank you
I appreciate and like this SO much. A refreshing read
As someone about to move and restart his social life (in New York no less!) this was a perfectly timed and very insightful read. Thank you!
Thanks for this. I thoroughly appreciate a balanced blend of practicality while also addressing the underlying foundational aspects of a subject and this nails said balance.
"This juxtaposition helps train your brain to be less afraid of the activity, perhaps."
At first I was thinking that I've never really thought about using logs/trackers in this way, but then realized many time I have used this method in an unhelpful way by noticing times of peace or joy when looking back(in a journal, etc), noticing that I no longer have that feeling/have any sustainable way to reconnect to it and then going into sadness/shame/etc. Reframing comes in for the win yet again lol.
"The real victory is to be able to enjoy your newfound friendships, while being able to fluidly oscillate between seeing yourself as “person who is a loner and that no one wants to hang out with” and “popular person that people really like”, while noticing the totally contingent and ephemeral nature of both of those views."
Beautifully put. The awareness of noticing I am in my 'loner/popular' story, acceptance of my feelings and thoughts around that, then stepping back again to notice these are indeed stories definitely seems a necessary step at some point in the game.
Perhaps reading more into it: my emotions and thoughts around these stories, while true as I experience them, aren't based in truth(or at least only my version of the truth; i.e. story) and that connecting to a deeper truth that transcends those stories(read: ongoing process) is necessary to be able to healthily navigate these relationships in the first place.
I'm moving to a new city and living by myself for the first time. Perfectly timed!
Thank you for this, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't know anyone closely where I live currently, so this resonated a lot. I appreciate the directness of your introduction!
About to move to a new city and to make use of the opportunities that's going to offer. Reading this made me a little more optimistic.
It's interesting, because I definitely feel like New York has a very unique set of social scenes. On one hand, there are people who only hang out together to be seen together because they want the "cool urban New Yorker" status. They tend to be transplants who work in publishing, fashion, or music. Or, they're hipsters. (Sorry not sorry, it's the truth.)
On the other hand, most New Yorkers I know genuinely want to connect with other people because it's not an easy city to live in. They love the social aspect because for them, that IS New York. They tend to be the best friends you can get in the city.
The funny thing is, becoming very active with the second group often will get you invitations from the first. Go figure.
Always love reading your work, Kasra!
Hey wanna be friends? But what if when I check you online I get a distorted picture? Did you know that the AI systems are starting to train on your writing here on substack? It's already started. Read about this important topic in the post https://boodsy.substack.com/p/the-ai-bots-are-coming-for-your-substack